The Healing Power of Kindness

changing feelings healing hope Apr 23, 2020
I was recently invited to participate in a collaborative effort for survivors of trauma hosted by Jordann Alyce and when offered to select from a few questions to answer that were in theme with the event´s purpose, to connect and support each other during these uncertain times, I saw the question, "How are you showing kindness to others?"
I jumped on this question because kindness is something that I went out of my way to bring into my life. What do I mean?
As a survivor of childhood trauma, I grew up with the painful toxic belief that the abuse I suffered was my fault and that it was because I was a bad girl. It still hurts my heart when I think of myself as a child feeling that way. I carried that belief for a long time and it kept me isolated and disconnected from myself and other people. Feeling ashamed and bad about myself was what I carried with me all the time, doing my best to hide from the world.
When I...
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My Story of Hope and Healing (And A Video Interview!)


A couple of months ago, I was asked to contribute to a new training on child sexual abuse prevention by being interview for a training video, to help adults understand why prevention is important and to also share some hope from my own healing journey. This video was made to further spread awareness about the work of Restore Hope, an Oregon based nonprofit that is dedicated to keeping children and teens safe from sexual abuse and helping survivors heal through education, prevention training, and survivor support. (You can learn more about Restore Hope here.)

As a survivor of child sexual abuse, I found my voice as a child sexual abuse prevention educator 10 years into my healing journey, when I realized if I had been given the tools to ask for help, that chances are I would not have suffered as long as I did. I thought that it was hard to speak about this topic because I was a survivor and it carried so much shame for me. But when I saw professionals in my training, highly...

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The Importance of Hope

To prepare for the upcoming retreat, I am looking for the best ways to present the concepts that I want to teach the participants, such as understanding what happens to our body, brain, and nervous system when we experience trauma. There are certain concepts that are very important for helping us see what is learned, what can be un-learned, and that we can choose the change we want as adults now.

A concept that fascinates me and that I love to help survivors learn about is hope. This is a word people often throw around without understanding the power behind it and, most importantly, how painful it can feel when you are being presented with a concept that you cannot quite conceive of or have any examples of. Most survivors struggle to understand what others mean they talk about hope because they have never felt it.

I realized a parallel of this that would happen almost daily in my life. English is actually my third language and I used to get so frustrated with English words and...

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Why Self-Acceptance is Necessary for Healing

Self-acceptance is a process. 
Do you find yourself in the category of almost healed, but not quite? Let me start by telling you, you are not alone. So many survivors of child abuse or trauma find themselves stuck in this very frustrating place and they don't understand why. 
Most of the people that I work with and the survivors that I know were abused for a long time. The longer we suffer in silence, without telling our stories, the harder it becomes to start. The hardest part will always be in the beginning of any change. You have lived with the past for so long that you know how it feels, you can manage and deal with it. But with something new, it is scary because you don't know what to expect. But chances are at this point, you are just tired of it all and really want some change and are ready to do what ever it takes. 
There is a way out of the "almost but not quite healed" phase. It takes time, it takes commitment, and it takes...
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The Healing Journey Can Be Filled With Uncertainty

So much of the healing journey feels like a break down rather than break through. We hope for things to feel better but often, things just feel worse.

Stepping up to heal your life is an uncertain path at first because what we really want is something or someone to tell us exactly what to do, what to expect, and how to make it through. We want to know what the steps are and exactly what we can expect going through them.

Unfortunately, since survivors are all so different and our experiences are so varied, no one can give you that certainty of exactly how your healing journey is going to unfold. All anyone can tell you is what you can expect and what to do when things get hard.

However, there are certain things, universal things, that all survivors need and that will make it easier to heal:

1. A safe place to tell their story

2. To be believed and validated

3. To be educated about the impact of abuse

4. To be educated about the steps of healing

5. To be encouraged with hope

6. To be...

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Parenting Your Inner Child


Becoming a loving, caring, nurturing parent to your inner child can be scary at first. This child remembers every minute of the child abuse you survived, even if you’ve blocked out the worst of it. Ouch!

But don’t worry. Your inner child isn’t going to unleash all those horrible memories on you. Instead, it will only be the parts of you that need healing, the parts you have rejected or ignored.

Yes, your inner child is angry. That’s scary, too. Mine was furious. She wasn’t as upset about the abuse from the past as she was the fact that I had rejected her for decades. I kept giving her to other people to love. She didn’t want their love. She wanted mine.

The wonderful thing about making the commitment to do inner child work is you discover just how loving you can be as an adult. In my case, I discovered I was capable of creating safety for this little girl. I could make her a top priority in my life. I could protect her. I could even help her...

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You Can Heal If You Believe It

depression healing hope trauma Aug 18, 2017

When I began my healing journey, I didn’t know if I could heal. But I was hopeful.

Back then, there were plenty of people who could tell me what was wrong with me and why. They could diagnose me with depression. They could tell me the depression was caused by the trauma I had suffered as an abused child. But few could give me what I needed most at that time: someone who believed I could heal.

And that’s my message for you today. If there’s one belief you need to cultivate after child abuse or trauma, it’s the belief that you can heal.

How do you do it? The same way I did!

I searched until I found survivors who inspired me. These people were able to show me what it looked like to heal after child abuse and trauma. They showed me how to move from barely surviving to gloriously thriving. Their lives had become their healing testimony.

From these courageous survivors, I learned healing from child abuse and trauma is a lifelong process. Even though I’m...

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