The Healing Power of Kindness

changing feelings healing hope Apr 23, 2020
I was recently invited to participate in a collaborative effort for survivors of trauma hosted by Jordann Alyce and when offered to select from a few questions to answer that were in theme with the event´s purpose, to connect and support each other during these uncertain times, I saw the question, "How are you showing kindness to others?"
I jumped on this question because kindness is something that I went out of my way to bring into my life. What do I mean?
As a survivor of childhood trauma, I grew up with the painful toxic belief that the abuse I suffered was my fault and that it was because I was a bad girl. It still hurts my heart when I think of myself as a child feeling that way. I carried that belief for a long time and it kept me isolated and disconnected from myself and other people. Feeling ashamed and bad about myself was what I carried with me all the time, doing my best to hide from the world.
When I...
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Learning to Let Go of Control

All survivors of child abuse have control issues, whether they are aware of it or not. And I was no exception. I grew up in a home that was out of control. I had no power over what was happening or the abuse inflicted upon me. And because of that, as soon as I was out of that environment, I sought to take control whenever and wherever I could to make up for the lack of power I felt growing up. My inner child was reacting to the adult world in defense, controlling all in order to possibly prevent any further harm from coming to her and I. Consequently, I spent many years being a terribly controlling adult.

But it took me a long time to realize that I was. Child abuse survivors are so disconnected from their bodies and emotions that we don’t know we’re control freaks. And we have no idea why we desperately crave control. We just need it to be that way to feel safe and it feels so risky to even question why.

I was an extreme case. I would actually complete other...

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