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Trauma Makes Us Believe Change Is Impossible. It Isn't.

The biggest reason why we don't change and why we find ourselves stuck is because we simply don't know how to change. For so many years, I thought there was something wrong with me and that everyone else was moving along in their lives, reaching their goals and sorting out their challenges, and that I was the one who was missing something to be able to do that. This was the logic of my trauma brain, my overwhelmed, fight/flight exhausted mind and body thinking and collapsing into thinking there is no hope and certainly not for me.

I got tired of reading books about how broken I was, the terrible impact of child abuse and trauma. The broken relationships, the addiction, lack of self worth, the mental health challenges, the sick bodies that we are left with after our coping strategies fail because our body simply cannot continue with decades worth of toxic stress lodged into our nervous systems, our hearts, and beliefs. I was learning about all the negative impacts but still...

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How Survivors Can Safely Feel and Accept Negative Emotions

All survivors of child abuse and trauma are afraid to feel, accept, trust, and appreciate their uncomfortable or negative emotions. And there is a reason.

We fear and avoid these emotions because we never had a positive role model to teach us how to express sadness, grief, overwhelm, anger, pain, and anxiety in a healthy way.  Instead, we got hurt when the adults in our life felt these challenging emotions. So we have no reason to believe that there is a safe to feel them.

However, developing the ability to feel, accept, trust, and appreciate all your emotions (the good, the bad, and the ugly) is a vital step on the healing journey. It’s impossible to heal if you skip over feeling the bad ones. You can't selectively numb feelings. When you numb the bad, you are numbing your ability to feel the good too.

So where do you start?

Feeling begins with awareness. Sounds easy, doesn’t it? But it's not for survivors. The human brain is programmed to avoid pain at all costs....

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Why Self-Acceptance is Necessary for Healing

Self-acceptance is a process. 
 
Do you find yourself in the category of almost healed, but not quite? Let me start by telling you, you are not alone. So many survivors of child abuse or trauma find themselves stuck in this very frustrating place and they don't understand why. 
 
Most of the people that I work with and the survivors that I know were abused for a long time. The longer we suffer in silence, without telling our stories, the harder it becomes to start. The hardest part will always be in the beginning of any change. You have lived with the past for so long that you know how it feels, you can manage and deal with it. But with something new, it is scary because you don't know what to expect. But chances are at this point, you are just tired of it all and really want some change and are ready to do what ever it takes. 
 
There is a way out of the "almost but not quite healed" phase. It takes time, it takes commitment, and it takes...
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Living Out of Your Truth

The trauma from child abuse disconnects us from the truth we feel in our hearts.  The healing journey is about finding your way back to your truth.  Being able to feel again is how you do that.  It's one of the incredible blessings of the healing journey.    

We spend a lot of time learning how to safely feel and release our negative emotions like fear, shame, pain, and loneliness.  But there comes a time when we need to learn how to feel positive emotions, too.  Why?  Because these emotions are our truth.


What is your truth?  It’s the same as mine:

  • Love
  • Kindness
  • Peace
  • Joy
  • Compassion
  • Goodness
  • Patience
  • Gratitude

Slowly work your way down this list and practice “feeling” each of these truths.  Allow them to saturate your heart, soul, body, and spirit until they become a part of you.  


Actually, these truths have always been a part of you.  The trauma of child abuse simply disconnected you from them....

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