The biggest reason why we don't change and why we find ourselves stuck is because we simply don't know how to change. For so many years, I thought there was something wrong with me and that everyone else was moving along in their lives, reaching their goals and sorting out their challenges, and that I was the one who was missing something to be able to do that. This was the logic of my trauma brain, my overwhelmed, fight/flight exhausted mind and body thinking and collapsing into thinking there is no hope and certainly not for me.
I got tired of reading books about how broken I was, the terrible impact of child abuse and trauma. The broken relationships, the addiction, lack of self worth, the mental health challenges, the sick bodies that we are left with after our coping strategies fail because our body simply cannot continue with decades worth of toxic stress lodged into our nervous systems, our hearts, and beliefs. I was learning about all the negative impacts but still wasn’t clear on the actual next steps in order to fix these impacts, in order to change my life. And because I didn’t have the answers, I continued to not create change.
But what I didn’t realize was that the answers weren’t puzzles that I had to figure out. There were simple and logical steps that I could take.
In the New York Times Best Seller, Switch, Chip and Dan Heath share that in order to create lasting change you need to do three things and do them all at the same time. This is going to be a bit of a spoiler for the book because I want to tell you what they are so that you can apply them to your healing journey.
1. Change your situation.
2. Understand your limited resources (because healing is exhausting).
3. Know when you need clarity.
I am always looking for ways to simplify the healing journey and the sometimes complicated processes that we go through to accept, feel, and let go of the past. You might see those three steps for creating change and think that I am oversimplifying this but I am doing that intentionally. I want to clear the way for you to make successful long term change.
Write out your healing goal and have a plan of action to focus on. And when you are unsure about what step you are in or why you are working on that step, either ask a fellow survivor or your therapist what step you are in and what to expect as you explore it.
The hardest part, the part that is your responsibility, is to show up, to take charge and commit to the change you know will not only change your health and wellness but will have the ripple effects of changing things for the better for your children, your family, and your community.
After showing up, after proving your willingness to heal to yourself, the next step to getting rid of your inner resistance often isn’t because of something complex. As I continue to work with survivors, sharing the message that they CAN heal, that they CAN restore, and they did DESERVE to, I find that once they do a bit of research and ask the right questions, that they realize the last of their resistance to healing was simply a lack of clarity. And once they have that clarity, they immediately see the steps to change are right in front of them, completely within reach.
Healing takes times, sometimes years. I have been on this journey for over 20 years. But I think the bulk of my time was spent searching for the answers and for a person that would show me the way, until I figured out that I was that person.
Survivors of trauma and other people in general are changing faster than ever, as we understand the human condition better and have more and more knowledge at our disposal. But we are also healing faster and faster as the world comes to the realization that all the change we desire and all the answers we seek are within us.
And in order to get started, the changes are so simple. You just need to create new habits that will create space and calm for you to feel, to let go, and to heal.
What are some ways for you to start? Actively engage in working with your body through body work, somatic healing or TRE. Start each day with the intention of self-care and kindness towards self. Practice mindfulness to keep yourself present and focused. Move your body. Eat food that nourishes you. Drink plenty of water. Rest when you feel that you need to rest. And practice looking into the mirror and telling yourself all the things that you didn’t believe as a child, all the things that the abuse told you wasn’t true. Tell yourself every day until you know in every fiber of your being that it is the truth and that it cannot be taken away from you ever again. Because the truth is not debatable. And it is never conditional.
Ready to change? Are you stuck? Don’t worry. I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($125). Let me help you with the next step to heal your life. You deserve it! Reserve your spot NOW!
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