Which Story Are You Telling?

Child abuse survivors don't have just one story. We have three.
The first story is no story, the hidden story, when we are living and breathing out of the toxic shame of our past and spending every moment of our day distracting ourselves and disconnecting from the pain. We don't want to feel it, we don't want to think about it, we don't even want to acknowledge that it happened. But that can't happen for long before the truth catches up to us.

The second is the "Trauma Story," the one that takes the most courage to tell. It's the one about what happened to us. It's a story of trauma, abuse, and victimization. We all have to start there. It's important to realize this is actually a story about the abuser, the person who hurt you and betrayed your innocence, heart, and trust. It's the story of what happened to you, not who you are.

You can't move forward with your healing until you acknowledge the impact of this traumatic experience and allow yourself to feel the emotional pain. And by accepting yourself by telling the story. Because when you keep the secret, it's a part of the process of shaming yourself for what happened to you, taking responsibility for something that was never your fault and will never be your fault. When you keep the secret, you are telling the story the abuser wants you to tell; no story. When you let it out and speak your truth, you are freeing yourself from the responsibility of the past, the burden of the shame and guilt your abuser asked you to carry. You are telling the world and yourself that you will no longer blame yourself for it. It wasn't your fault. Not then, not now, not ever.

The third story we tell is our "Healing Story." It charts our path of survival. This is a story about how we chose to rise above the abuse, trauma, shame, and betrayal of our dark past. How we chose to claim our truth and lovingly care for ourselves. How we chose to learn to be safe in our bodies and set healthy personal boundaries with other people. And how we chose to be kind, soothe, and validate ourselves.

A survivor of child abuse is a work-in-progress. The learning never stops. You're in the process of solving your major issues. You're taking responsibility for the things you can change now and you're learning how to let go of the things you can't change. Remember, we can't rush this process and it can feel like it will never end at times. I have been there.  You just have to keep going. You have already done the hard part, by accepting that you were a victim of abuse. It gets easier, I promise. 

And let's be clear. You will be revisited by the past (story) from time to time, a chapter of your past story that you thought you had healed and moved on from but has come up again. And when it does, it is just to help you truly integrate what you know to be true about who you are now. It is like a child that is regressing before truly moving into self-mastery in the next stage of development. That is all it is. Another opportunity to learn and practice a vital lesson you need for your healing and for mastering being your true self.

Ready to tackle self-care? Not sure where to start? Don’t worry, I can help! Just follow (this link) or call 619-889-6366 to reserve a one-hour coaching session with me ($175). Let me help you understand the impact of trauma and how to start your healing journey. You deserve it! Reserve your spot NOW! 

Have you read my new book, "Releasing Your Authentic Self?" If you're ready to do the deep, hard work of emotional healing, this book is for YOU! You’ll find it at Amazon in paperback (link) or Kindle (link). Enjoy and happy reading!

Are you looking for more support? I have created a closed Facebook group for the readers of "Releasing Your Authentic Self." If you are ready to dig deep and want to experience the daily support and encouragement from others like you, follow this link to learn moreReleasing Your Authentic Self Support Group.

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